9 04 2012

(8) why’d you have to be so complicated? (8)



I know i’m not one who can say “your feelings are your choice” and pretend that i do this as you probably know i often let my feeling get the better of me. Aha. There’s no denying that and i have nothing to hide as i’m not ashamed of that at all. It’s part of who i am now and hopefully something i can reflect on when i’m not as easily led by how i feeeeeeeeeel. When i get stressed my life is over “i’m rubbish” or “i’m a failure” Then after a few hours, days and sometimes weeks i’m like “Sam you’re so silly!”

I can talk about this because i understand this.

I know how annoying it is to not understand why you’re sad when you have so much to be happy for.
I know how it feels to feel really sad and start doubting yourself and…

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9 04 2012

Big move! Definitely agree, Facebook were getting worried!


You might have heard by now that [company]Facebook[/company] has acquired Instagram for nearly a billion dollars in cash and stock. Incredible, isn’t it? I have received text messages of awe and shock from many people in the Valley, for no one saw this coming.

A few days ago it was rumored to be valued at $500 million. A few months ago it was $300 million. Its last round — just a year ago — valued the company at $100 million. The rising valuation of the company was reflective of the growing audience it has been garnering, despite being just on the iPhone. It had reached nearly 30 million registered users before it launched an Android app, a turbo-charging event for the company.

So the question is:  Why did Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook’s level-headed but mercenary founder, buy Instagram at twice the valuation that professional venture investors were putting on it?…

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’cause I’m awake this late.

27 03 2012

Now, I wanted to blog, but I was going to sleep. Obviously with the current situation with my dog i can’t cause i’d probably wet the bed, but im too worried anyway to sleep.


So, this has just added.


I’ve now like decided that i’d perch myself on top of a mountain of self-imposed worry, stress, annoyance, anger etc. and this really aint gonna help any situation. Considering everything stems from something…


I seem very mixed up, not knowing what to do, where to turn, what will come next.


I’m just thankful for my friends.


But back to my depressing-ness – 


Exam worry is starting to increase, and no matter how hard i’ll try, its gonna be hard to find any sort of motivation to do any sort of study.

however i am forcing myself outta bed early the first three days of the holiday… (easter holidays – three days – a story springs to mind…) 


with me just writing that i now feel a little better, like with that story, a some what ressurection.


it’ll last a little while. what i need to do is find a trigger for happiness, and make sure it’s like with me a lot of the time. 


im running off into different things now. like a melted mind map. 


I’m increasingly seeing myself as useless in friendships, everydy i seem to make things worse between me and a friend. usually one that i actual see as a family member, only to me though, like i adopted them into my own family. 


just realised i started getting close to an old best friend, and now we hardly talk. im getting affected to much my being at the top of this mountain


i want to come down to earth, be normal. but, im just scared of the fall, so im staying put. seems sensible to me…


why do i seem to mess things up?



Up and Down like a Yo-Yo!

20 02 2012

Right.. It’s stupid


My emotions are playing a number on me! I mean, I managed to do a whole 8 days of me! actual happiness! Then BAM! like, right back to what seems to be 2012 definition!

If it wasn’t for this i wouldn’t be having so many ‘slip ups’ well, one aint so bad, just got to await more.


No, I’m not gonna be positive. I’m negative. Because then, if something good comes out of a situation, it’s a bonus, and if not, at least i can be smug and say, ”I did say so” :L


But yeah, so it’s a dip again.. Down in the dumps etc.


So, in reference to the othe blogs


I give up :’) (Yes, i do mean :’) *Sarcasm*)


I mean, why try to be happy, if I can only manage, what, 8 days? well, why not be me?


An unhappy, miserable git.

I’m usually getting called Grumpy Guts..


And we are meant to live up to expectations?

So expect me to be grumpy, it’ll be what you get.


This blog isn’t ”dark stuff” as it’s been referred to, it’s my stuff.



Its basically a catch up…

5 02 2012

so.. yeah…


Sad/Down/Depressed for a reason I no longer know. The happy for a bit, then slumped for a bit. So, it’s got to be happy again next, yes?


Well, tbh. I don’t know what’s keeping me ‘trying’ if you will. cause I’m pretty sure, i’ve given up dozens of times now.. And all I’m doing is coming back in for another fight.

Climb into the ring for a battle that you can’t win

Swing as hard as you can swing

It will still mean nothing

Yeah? It doesn’t matter how hard Im trying, I aint winning! I’m just pushng, and falling. Stuck in an endless cycle of pushing and falling. It also seems like im the one to pick up the friend when he’s fallen. yet, when im down, are you here to pick me up? yes. but i decide to push you away.


seems my main objective of life is to see how many people i can psh away.


I’m good at it though!

Struggle this week, then half term. 

That’ll also be a struggle.


ah well.


you win some you lose some



time to start winning?


i hope so!


till next time,




17 01 2012

Didn’t think you could fail things, so many times… Thats the main thing thats playing on my mind… Oh and the other thing.. not gonna get into that… But yeah.. I realised to day that i get agitated quite easily… so that leads to more mistakes… tomorrow aint gonna be any better… Nor any other day… it’s starting to suck now, real badly.. :/ if it wasnt for a couple of people… I’d of given up totally by now and said ”Right, I’m not doing anything anymore” but of course, i havent.. In fact for some stupid reason… i’m pushing harder (any ideas on why, message me:S) but it’s not good, cause if i fail, then I’ll probably keep on doing it.. I’m one of those people who, like, cant fail? and if they do, it’s bad for them? As in it dents confidence and it’s a psychological thing, it’s bad, makes you think youre bad? well.. it does me anyhow…

**Im going off track, so, main points**

– Lost my best friend, thats what i get for continuing to be an a******e to people

– I know I’ll start to push everyone else away, including people who have said they’ll always be there

– I know, this is gonna be a crap year, even if i get over this thing

– I’ll be Day 0 for a while, this way, it’s just, I know whats coming – I attempted to pick up the pieces of my life. They can stay on the floor for all i care.

– I’ve learnt it’s best to keep things to yourself, cause I’d still have my bestfriend if i had of, he’d of known no different to the usual situation, and i would of, seemed normal, i guess :/

– I wont talk to no one… not anymore.. Well, not withot decent persuasion.

– Patterns are always there… I’ve fallen ”back” into an old one

– I’ll still end up being asked whats wrong, and I’ll not be able to say anything

To wind this in….



Well… It’s ‘one of those” days…

16 01 2012

Similar title to previous blog? and what?

I read about this being the most depressing day of the year… Something about being the 3rd monday, yeah, it was. Was being both the 3rd monday and depressing.

It’s hard to accept, knowing that you are constantly (or seemingly) pushing your bestfriend further away from you… Leaving, that gap, that where you used to be able to ”lean” on these days, but now you jst fall down, and think ‘why? why’d I have to be one of those people?’

Well, I’m sorry… to you (hopefully, if you’ve even read this, you’ll know im talking to you) I’m just, more or less a person who you shouldn’t try with, ssave yourself the trouble of having to listen…

Next thing? My fantastic act…

Lately I’ve been able to disguise myself as happy… Example? Sunday morning… Happy atmosphere? yes. Happy me? Only cause it’s not good to appear down there..

I don’t like this… I’ve tried changing it, but I worm my way back into it somehow.. Throw myself out a window?! Yes! No way I can get back in to this then. No! I wont, cause, its good to live… And besides… Well, i havent got anything to write there…

I’ll act tomorrow, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday… This wont stop soon, I have a feeling…

Back into an old thing… Well, not really back… And this thing, wont just drop away…

Final thing, I just want to say thanks to those that help me, offered me chats, advice etc. Things I aint able to accept, cause i dont think i deserve anyone’s time, effort etc.

I remember the old me.. This will now be my ”cover”

Just decided that. Live the old, ”Good” boy life, didn’t do anything wrong… It was easy… No pressure.

Okay, now the final thing… 2012 has been crap so far…. I’ve doubted so much, religion, my life, who i actually am, whether my friends are friends… :/ (first sighy face of this blog… ) I just dunno, right now. Live one day at a time? Okay… So, Like any other day… Ah, forget that crap… I’ll just guess what’ll happen… Same crap as the day before!